Im a ticking time bomb ready to explode?

Well im 17 years old im a junior in high school. Im so fed up with every thing i just gave up on life. my mother had a stroke when i was in the 10th grade she been in the nursing home every since then. i sometimes blame other people for what happen. like my step father because every time him n my mother would argue he would say my father said i shouldn't be married to a women with children him n my mother been together since i was 6 years old n his family never liked my mother n i don't know y because all my mother did was try to be nice to them example like during christmas she had bought my step father dad wife a big bag of victoria Secret body spray n lotion n return they gave her a robe? im thinking to myself is these people serious n they gave me a diary that i couldn't open because it didn't have a key n they gave my twin brother a basketball lol i know right. see growing up when my mother was younger her mother had got killed n she moved from foster home to foster home n they would beat her n they would make her clean they house until it was spot less so when she got older that's how she like her house to be clean see my mother never had a lot growing up n she would have to wear other people clothes so she made a path to her self that she would never have us like that n my twin brother be doing that stuff wearing other people clothes n that hurts her because if he need n e thing all he had to do was ask her. During november on thanksgiving my step dad n my brother got n to a fight then my step father had to have surgery on his face that put stress on my mother so during december she had the stroke. but n e ways my step father n i been n to it every since then about every thing then he sent me to park wood because i don't sleep. cry alot. depressed. thoughts about killing my self n others. So now he got me living with people that's not even related to me n Arkansas n the women hit me n my mouth because i got mad at her because she don't never let me go n e where i got to stay n the house r watch her four grand children. Im so depressed i don't have n e friends at this new school. people at the school make fun of me because i be having panic attacks im so stress out even more crying even more i don't know how much i can take i want to run away n go back home n try to survive on my own n go to job corp n Memphis.i feel like im going to kill my self n e minute i tried it before hopefully this time i might succeed.n my mother doesn't even know im done here. n the funny part about it this women be going to play bingo from four in the afternoon till one a.m then she will came get us from her daughter house waking us up n stuff i hate it down here. please help i really need a friend r something or im going to kill my self